Poker Report:

January 2012:  Happy New Year!  And with the start of 2012, the poker slate is wiped clean, and we are off and running.  To start the night off we had the presentation of the Poker Trophy to the 2011 Champ Chuck F.  It almost slipped out of Chuck's hands as Doc was drooling all over it.  No Doc, you cannot buy yourself one, you have to earn it.  Can someone please check to see how many hash marks Doc has now?  Denver was on T.V. which meant that “Timbo” could not make poker.  The big surprise was that John M did show….was the Hard Rock closed?  1-888-ADMIT-IT.  And of course Bobby J was late.  Does his new phone not have a clock on it?  Flush beats Q’s!  And with all of the diversions going on, Mallory went for it and tried to pull off Pot Misappropriation. 

Favorite Food:  Ron's tray of meats

Quote of the Night:  "Do you want me to tell you the whole game?"

December 2011: Our annual banquet...it is what we look forward to all year. With all players in attendance the food was endless. The gift exchange was a man's Mecca. Tools and alcohol as far as the eyes could see. Mallory J. decided this year’s present would be helicopter rides for all to fight over...literally. And of course our yearly photo was taken to memorialize the event. There was some question as to whether we should ban cell phones.....or just Bobby J. from the table. And of course we crowned our new Poker King who held off a late run for the title but could not be caught. Congrats to Chuck F! The best part of a New Year starting is your last year’s lousy play is now erased, and everyone is reset back to zero. Bring on 2012!

Favorite Food: That’s to all for your efforts in making our annual feast a huge success!

Quote of the Night: "You put my chips on the wrong side of the holder!"

November 2011:  It was an interesting night to say the least.  Lots of talk about lists, discharge, and positions….and that was from the wives expressing there disappointment with there husbands.  The monthly probationary performance review with the “New Guy” has been completed.  Just some of this months shortcomings are:  tardiness, bringing the incorrect amount of money, failure to visit the poker website, betting out of turn, splashing the pot, misuse of the required amount of cards, and the ability to read.  On a positive note, he found a Publix.  But in his defense, poker night has also turned into some sort of twisted daycare center as well.  Heathens out numbered poker players 2-1….well at least in volume.  And who is slamming doors!?!  In the end the leader’s gap has tighten so our last month in December should be a nail biter.

Favorite Food:  Chef Leslie's massive food spread

Quote of the Night:  "The only problem is here I cant pretend I dont know him"

October 2011:  (as reported by Ron J.)  The night started slow after a few last minute "bail outs," with the only expected player to miss the night was high seas gambler Ed. However, with the six players that did show up action was soon to follow. The games were barely underway when we learned that Marc "the slowroller" ended up with a woman in his life even with his pierced tongue and Tim went on "Chuck" early in the night. Despite Ashtyn schooling Chuck with the phrase "you get what you get," she was found asleep on the kitchen floor by 720pm. Later in the evening after Chuck announces "I've so many chips I've dropped them" he experiences a major bad beat. Yep, card karma is a bitch!

Favorite Food: Leslie's homemade chicken noodle casserole.

Quote of the Night: "I know I won, but which one is better."

September 2011:  The table welcomed the "new guy from down the street" tonight.  New guy learned quickly that a) you dont need to bring change from your kids piggy bank and b) dont stiff us on dinner.  The game "Cornhole" was brought to the table and Chuck "doesnt like transporting prisoners".  Oh and hurry up or I'm going back to playing Pacman.  Also one of our members took a trip to the "Pork-e-pine Ranch" while in Vegas and Mal did the smack down on a certain father figure with a "Who's your Daddy now!"

Favorite Food:  Apple Chicken...minus the apples.

Quote of the Night:  "You can earn this back later."

August 2011:  Mother Earth and its Moon aligned, the Planets and the Sun reached its equinox, and the Lord broke through the clouds over Universal, and Mallory got a job.  Or was it because of the shirt with the fancy name tag?  -shrug-  And hey guess what?  Bobby J. got a new phone....and it came with Pac-man!  Ron J. bought himself a new $4.99 trophy.  And the oldest guy at the table lived threw the night.  We are down to three months and it is still anyones game with four in striking distance of the trophy.

Favorite Food:  Dougy Fresh's Spicy Meatloaf Bread

Quote of the Night:  "I Chucked it, and Chuck caught it"

July 2011:  The Air National Guard stopped by the table tonight.  The decided to pick up a couple of our players and take them on a few free helicopter rides after a brutal Acey Deucey game.  It was also decided that since little girl couldnt play at the table yet, that she could have the remote and watch porn.  Boobies!  Hey did you just call him Captain?  And the table also saw its first "Dinosaur Bam".

Favorite Food:  Leslie's Meat Pie

Quote of the Night:  "Yeah great hand, you still lose"

June 2011:  The table welcomed a couple of new players this evening.  So did Chuck F. as we found out he was harboring illegals from the I.N.S.  Que pasa Poppie?  Ron J. got lucky and had his first win of the night in the last hour.  And the table saw its first ever "text bam" from Bobby J. 

Favorite Food:  Cluckin' Chucks' Chicken

Quote of the Night:  "Your missing the 6 to go with the 9"

May 2011:  This month marked the Mayan Calendar for the End of the World.  And though the predictions did not come thru as predicted, some of our players may wish it had.  It was so bad that some players had to go walk around the house and  "inspect the French Drains".  Doc received a phoned in "wife bam" and it turns out Monty's lucky number is "8". 

Favorite Food:  Ron's Meaty balls

Quote of the Night:  Dammit, John sucked us in!